Tribes.

Tribes. It’s a new thing. Who is your tribe? Where are your people? If I can tell you just one thing about your people, here’s what I will tell you: they aren’t always who you might think they’d be. 

My people are very, very different. My circle is…well rounded #MomsHaveJokesToo. I learned a very important lesson about women a long time ago, and it’s turned my friend game on it’s head.

Just give her a chance. Eyes open, heart ready. Really see her, and you’ll love her.

Some of my closest friends are women that have dated the same boy as me, sometimes simultaneously. Yikes, right? But here’s what I know, no boy was more important than they are. These women have dragged themselves back from heartbreak with power, and strength, and not one single second of looking back – because they aren’t freaking going that way. I have looked at women through the lens of that shared boy and thought, “well, at least we know he has great taste” (and a type, apparently). Because he doesn’t matter anymore, but man, they do. We are hand holding, and “me too” – and really, truly, “it wasn’t you, it was him.”

We have a responsibility to hand a bucket of water to the people walking through the fires we’ve survived.

One friend? Husbands ex-girlfriend. And she’s a powerhouse of hilarious jokes, thoughtful perspectives, and a true warrior spirit. He loved her, and now, so do I. And that’s completely okay. Because he saw in her what he loves about me – that broken hearts and messy histories create women that love fiercely and are absolutely positive that they are worth the trail of ashes they’re walking out of.

Don’t discount the woman before you. It’s totally possible that she prepared him for you (thank you), and it’s also possible that she’s grateful that he found you (you’re welcome). 😉

Some friends are younger than me, or at completely different life stages. They’re ones that I selfishly thought, “this’ll be so cute. I’ll mentor them and let them know that this side of motherhood isn’t all spit up and diapers. That I can be a little fun, too.” And those women, you guys. They have taught me incredibly significant things about grace, and love, and showing up HARD for your people. They eat chicken wing dip and brownies that my Mama heart loves to provide them with, and then they ask me hard questions about who I am underneath all of the Mommy. They don’t let me forget Kayla for a single second. They throw me a black top, skinny jeans, and a beer – and they let me just be me. They also drop off coffee and embrace my kids for entire weekends.

Those women embrace my motherhood, but they tether me to the Kayla underneath it.

Other friends? Nineteen times more bold than I am. Punctual, well planned, and fiercely unafraid to tell you how they think something should go. I am at the opposite end of the spectrum on all of those things. Late (forever and ever, amen), flying by the seat of my likely ripped pants, and completely and truly okay with however you think something should do (see also: infuriatingly easygoing). And we balance each other in a way that is otherworldly and magical. They give me the kick I need to advocate for myself, and I give them permission to either let their kids nap in a stroller, or love on them while they spend a minute not rushing to do all of the things.

My polar opposite outside, but our insides are braided together.

Mom friends, some farther along this motherhood path than I am, offer their promises that every phase ends but the laundry doesn’t. They encourage me when I’m lost in the weeds of potty training, tell me it’s all going to be just fine (and I believe them), and don’t expect one single thing from me in this season of exhaustion. They are the head nod affirmation telling me they get it, and I’m never alone. We are Target memes, massive cups of coffee, and using community to write a book about motherhood that simply says, “I am with you. No one knows what they’re doing. But cheers to flying blind together.”

They are the “just keep swimming” that I rely on to stay afloat when motherhood is brutal, and beautiful. 

Across the country friends. With their “thinking of you”s and “I miss you more”s. They make 3,000 miles feel like 3 without trying. We celebrate love, and loss, and life’s moments through text, but always know that one text could close the gap. A simple establishment of need knows that no plane ticket is too expensive. Distance doesn’t remove the ability to know when someone has gone quiet. And it doesn’t hesitate to let you know that you’re thought of.

Tribes don’t have to be just a drive away to be one of the most promising daily demonstrations that you are loved.

Then there are those that you were bound to share an unconditional bond with. You just match. You’re the dancing twin emoji. They know what you mean when you can’t say it, they see you when you’ve “gone quiet”, they know you struggle quietly sometimes and they know why without you telling them. You can just, be. It’s not your social representative, or any version of you. It’s the most vulnerable, stripped down, self that you have – and they don’t even have to look hard to see it. They’re the truth tellers, sometimes encouragement, sometimes calling you out. But, always honest.

They see you when you don’t, and they hear you when you aren’t talking.

These are your people. All of them. We have more in common than our differences. We can overcome any believed barrier. Just see her. Really, really look at her. And underneath any perception you have – you will see a woman with fears, and strengths, and passions that you likely relate to. Show up for her, be the friend you want to have, don’t let her disappear or tell you she’s fine when she isn’t.

We’re never too far away from one another, friends.

There is strength in recognizing that we’re more the same than we are different. From whichever direction we come. From whatever life season we currently find ourselves in. Empowered women, empower women – and all that jazz. The woman you aren’t sure of? She might be the one that gives you the message your heart’s been longing to hear, on one of the rare occasions you see her. She might text you every single day, or only when she hasn’t heard from you in awhile. She might send you stickers in the mail, or a reminder that she’s thinking of you and you know it doesn’t even require a response.

Who can you sit down next to today? She might be your tribe.